Written by famous mentalist Oz Pearlman, this book is part memoir, part self-help. It highlights how much work it took to reach his fame and seemingly impossible skills, and his ultramarathon running underscores his mental toughness and dedication.

PS: Not sure if he can have genuine friends with his skills, but for usual social interactions he’s likely more likable and can get better results than most people who find it harder to control their emotions.

Excerpts:

Every word and phrase was designed to grab their attention and not let them go. I was setting a path in motion and that is key to tapping into the minds of others. This is Human Behavior 101: learning to anticipate the thoughts of others before they even think them.

Often, getting in touch with your inner mentalist is as easy as thinking about what’s going through the other person’s head.

The first rule of working in the service industry–and all industries…is that the client is always right…And even if they’re not right and truly unpleasant…the best approach is to kill that person with kindness.

The smartest plan is always to de-escalate a situation. A vital rule of de-escalation is that you don’t charge up on someone who’s running hot, who’s already in a fury and wants to fight.

Letting people get a win, giving them that win, or inviting them to feel like they’re in on the trick tells them you’re not trying to steal the attention away from them. It’s a great way to shift the energy, to de-escalate.

It’s important to make people feel like they have agency, that they have choice within the set of parameters you give them.

People want to be seen and heard. They want to feel special. If you can win them over, it flips the script. They want attention, so give them what they want.

What I mean by being the observer is that when I was about to perform…I’d tell myself that I wasn’t Oz Pearlman. Instead, I was Oz the Entertainer, the precursor to Oz the Mentalist. And if people rejected or didn’t like Oz the Entertainer, that wasn’t Oz Pearlman’s problem. I turned myself into a character, meaning I separated myself and my psyche from the task at hand. I was no longer the actor; I was the observer. I made a conscious decision to not internalise how people would react to me because they weren’t reacting to the real me.

If you want to become stronger, whether it’s mentally or physically, you must experience failure. Failure is the foundation for growth. Failing, especially multiple times, gives you the kind of resilience you just don’t get from smooth sailing. Failure is the cornerstone of innovation.

The only thing you have to do to be the most interesting person in the room is to be the most interested person in the room. If you want to be fascinating, be fascinated by others.

When you go through life trying to make someone’s day a little brighter, you’ll find that people naturally want to be in your corner.

An easy and economical way to make people look and feel good is to remember what’s important to them.

Unlike sympathy, which is your reaction to someone’s situation, empathy keeps the focus on them. Sympathy is feeling for someone, whereas empathy is feeling with someone, putting yourself in their shoes and responding from a deeper place.

Achieving goals is all about working backward from the desired outcome, whether it’s personal or professional, and this starts with learning how to define and quantify them.

Often, success boils down to timing, a little bit of luck, and not knowing at that moment that the producer may have already found somebody for your slot. This is why persistence and the ability to keep going is crucial, which is why we’ve already covered how to handle the pain of rejection.

But I loved magic and I used to practice sleight of hand moves with cards for twelve or more hours every day. Learning to control where each card was located in the deck, focusing my entire mind on the position of a finger during a split-second move, over and over and over again in front of a mirror. I had an attention to detail and an unwillingness to settle for anything less than perfection that bordered on the obsessive, but that’s what was required to be a top-notch performer.

…with meditation, you can structurally alter the neuroplasticity of the brain, meaning you’ll create growth in the hippocampus, which basically impacts your memory capacity.

To me, charm is the ability to influence people…

What’s so great about charm is that it doesn’t feel one-sided. When you’re about to charm someone, you both leave the interaction feeling more positive. (Especially when you’re the only passenger that the gate agent accommodates because you were the one of two hundred who was kind.)

Active listening is flat-out charming.

Regardless of what kind of tyrant you’re dealing with, whether it’s a toddler or someone acting like a toddler, you’re not going to move forward if you get caught up taking their abuse personally. Treat them with respect, with kindness, while asking them questions to clarify the root cause of an issue and showing them that you’re on the same team.

When there are times that your natural charms aren’t enough, remember to lead with empathy and do everything in your power to de-escalate tense situations with kindness, repetition, and acknowledgement. Because at the end of the day, when you can show people that they’re seen and heard, they will eventually come around. And if they don’t? At least you didn’t make a bad situation worse.