Ryu's Blog

Learn and Create

Recent Posts

  • Things I missed from Beppu (in no particular order)

    1)    All the yakiniku and hot-pot parties
    2)    Natou and tofu I eat almost daily
    3)    Biking up the APU mountain with Koji (takes forever) and racing down in 10 minutes
    4)    Practicing and playing music with friends
    5)    Overnight War Craft parties
    6)    Men’s talk gatherings at APU talking non-sense about life and girls
    7)    Lying down in the APU Roman theater watching falling stars
    8)    Life Music members and performances
    9)    Going to festivals with gangs to watch fireworks and locate cute yukata girls
    10)  Attempt to try all the good restaurants in Beppu and Oita with Ka Lun and Panit
    11)  Weekly cooking society to experiment and try new recipes with friends
    12)  All the scholarships from APU
    13)  Cheap and easily accessible onzen (hot-spring)
    14)  Being able to skip all the useless classes I can while sleep in all those I can’t
    15)  Absorbing divine wisdom from Askew and Thompson
    16)  Swimming under a cool waterfall Sol discovered
    17)  Weekly dining out: sushi, ramen, Izakaya with friends
    18)  Rent tons of movies to watch at Panit’s place accompany by my favorite Gogo no Kocha
    19)  Engaging in endless debates with Koji over sushi
    20)  Sit idly near the Beppu coast enjoying the blue scene; when bored, call up Panit and have a meal and ice-cream afterward.
    Memories are a fickle thing. Although I genuinely feel I miss these things, I don’t recall being this fond of my life in Beppu at that time. It shows how easy it’s for my memories to beautify the past and feel nostalgic about the good old times. Another interesting thing is that most of these activities are the common everyday events, and many involved good food and friends.

  • World in Black and White

    I’m more and more inclined to think that enjoying the moments in life is equivalent to being alive. It doesn’t mean that people should focus doing only the enjoyable things or ignore the future. Enjoying the different moments in life are meant to be a broad concept that may include working hard on something and enjoying the achievement, engaging in a nice conversation, sports; basically any activities. It’s true that not all tasks are pleasurable, but many times we still have to do them to achieve certain ends. Money’s a common constraint in people’s life and affects people’s decision in life. For instance, people may want money so they can be free to do things they like in the future. I don’t think there’s anything bad in striving toward money.  It can act as a motivation to better ourselves and provide services to others. The best world would be to fulfill our life’s constraints while being able to enjoy them at the same time (let them act as means and ends at the same time). But no matter how much money, fame, knowledge, or achievement we have, or how good looking or in good shape we are, it doesn’t add anything to life if we don’t enjoy the moments—the everyday activity we do. Ultimately it’s the daily events we encounter and how we engage in these experiences that bring something more to life than just being a waking zombie.

     

    Having said all this, I’m not good at living life and enjoying the moment. It’s easy to beatify the past or look forward to a wonderful future (at least at my age), but it’s much harder to enjoy the present activity. Perhaps because I’m too self-conscious or calculating, like the Homo economicus who constantly thinking about alternative choices or use of time and thus seldom being able to enjoy the present.  Living life this way’s like living in a world without color, missing out all the moments in life. Sometimes I feel bad cause people like me don’t add colors to the world and may even spread this black and white kind of life to surrounding people. Learning to live is like learning to paint and add colors to my world.

  • Before Sunrise and The Moments

    I watched a few good movies lately, but Before Sunrise (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112471/) is probably my recent favorite, portraying a transient relationship that’s so natural, beautiful, and idealistic. The firm is conversation-oriented so it may not suit everyone’s taste, but this seems to tell me that life’s about these small things (like conversation). First I thought I’ll watch the sequel right after, but now I think I’ll save it for a later time to let the beautiful encounter last for a while.

     

    Life can be so dead, or so alive

    So dull, or colorful

    So fake, or real

    So mundane, or extraordinary

     

    A place, a time, a person

    Can be so repetitive or so different

    Happen or not happen

    A slight difference that changes everything

     

    A connection, a mutual feeling, or a share of understanding

    Moments so honest and spiritual

    Maybe the moment’s all there is

    And living life’s finding the moments

     

  • Recent update

    I’m having my Easter break, but there isn’t much time to be idle as I got essays to do and need to prepare for exams. Nevertheless I decided I’ll start working seriously from next week and just chill out this weekend. Cambridge’s terms are really short; a 9-month course consists of roughly 5 months classes and 4 months holidays. The hourly tuition’s definitely not cheap. Since the university selects mostly top students, they probably expect students to self-study and work hard on their own. There are probably lots of things to be said about prestigious university like Cambridge (e.g. whether they really add-value, if so, how?), but I guess I will leave this topic for another time.

     

    I just posted some photos of a few gathering I had this term. My hair’s starting to get long, and I’m finding it a bit troublesome. Even though the length’s near the limit I can tolerate, I decided not to cut it until I get back to Bangkok during summer, mainly because I think the hair cut services here are expensive and not really good either. Not sure how long will my hair by then; hope that friends will still recognize me.

     

    I came across some articles on lucid dreams (when you’re aware that you’re dreaming and are able to control it) and watched an animation related to it (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243017/). Interestingly, I had one recently (without intention), but I didn’t find it too exciting though. This is roughly how it’s like: It seems like you’re awake but you aren’t, like you’re mixing your thoughts with your dreams. What you think somehow become dreams, and different from usual introspection about things that you’re now in a first person point of view interacting actively with the environment. I didn’t find it particularly rewarding as it didn’t help me get in touch with what I don’t already know (although I did try flying a bit). But still it’s an interesting experience since I usually don’t have self-awareness during dream.

  • Why post lyric

    Some people may wonder why I post lyrics on my blog. There’re various occasions why I do that. Sometimes the song’s the one I feel like listening to again and again at that particular period. Other times I found the lyric resonates with my thoughts or myself in some ways. And sometime I just like the lyric itself. I also enjoy making lyric translation from time to time (those without reference are my translation), that’s why most lyrics I posted are translated from Japanese songs. I think Japanese is an extremely beautiful language. They use many poetic words that can give rise to lots of different interpretations or can conjure different images. Translating the lyric thus help me to understand the song better and also allow me some freedom to my interpretation I like to the music. I guess one or more of the above reasons (as well as my capricious behavior) motivate me to share the lyrics on my blog.

  • Which’s a better world

    Art can be a frightening.

    They show me things I don’t want to see

    And bring me to realms I’m afraid to enter

    They disturbs me

    Take away my illusion, my fantasy

    And render my dreams and beliefs empty

    Sometimes so beautiful, sometimes ugly

    These pieces of reality that make up my illusions

    These messy things called art I can’t help but fall into

    Illusion

  • Sadness

    It’s tragic to exist in a world where you do not belong, carrying a grief without the love to share its burden.

    Forever Love by X Japan

    Lyrics: English translation

    I can’t walk alone anymore; the winds of time are too strong
    Ah, I’m supposed to get used to being hurt, but now…
    Ah, just hold on like this, to my wet and exposed heart
    In this ever changing time, if there’s love that will never change
    Will you hold my heart? Take my tears?
    Already near the limit of breaking, all my heart

    Forever love, forever dream
    Only this overflowing thoughts

    I fill up this intense, painful time
    Oh tell me why; all I see is blue in my heart
    Will you stay with me until the wind passes?
    Overflowing once again, all my tears

    Forever love, forever dream, stay beside me just like this
    Please hold my quivering heart in the dawn
    Oh stay with me

    Ah, I wish everything’d just end, in this endless night
    Ah, there’s nothing I can’t afford to lose…except you

    Forever love, forever dream, stay beside me just like this
    Please hold my quivering heart in the dawn
    Will you stay with me until the wind passes?
    Closer to you more than anyone else
    Forever love, forever dream, I can’t walk anymore.
    Oh tell me why, oh tell me true; tell me the meaning of life
    Forever love, forever dream, amidst my overflowing tears
    Until the shining seasons change into eternity
    Forever love

    Lyrics: Original

    もう独りで歩けない 時代の風が強すぎてAh 傷つくことなんて 慣れたはず だけど今は
    Ah このまま抱きしめて 濡れたままの心を変わり続けるこの時代に 変わらない愛があるなら
    Will you hold my heart 涙 受け止めてもう壊れそうな all my heart
    Forever love, forever dream 溢れる思いだけが激しく せつなく 時間を埋め尽くす oh tell me why
    All I see is blue heart
    Will you stay with me 風が過ぎ去るまでまた溢れ出す all my tears
    Forever love, forever dream このままそばにいて夜明けに震える心を抱きしめて oh stay with me
    Ah 全てが終わればいい 終わりのないこの夜にAh 失うものなんて 何もない 貴方だけ
    Forever love, forever dream このままそばにいて夜明けに震える心を抱きしめて
    Ah will you stay with me 風が過ぎ去るまでもう誰よりもそばに
    Forever love, forever dream これ以上 歩けないOh tell me why, oh tell me true 教えて 生きる意味を
    Forever love, forever dream 溢れる涙の中輝く季節が 永遠に変わるまで forever love

  • No one is the same

    Why do people care about personal identity so much? We like to define ourselves in certain ways, want to be associated with certain qualities or belong in certain categories. But does identity exists? Is my self really a consistent self? Every experience I have and actions I take change me in some ways. It’s not too absurd to think of myself in different time as a different being connected only by some shared memories, experience, and similarities in thoughts, appearance, and personalities. Appearance changes, thinking changes, personalities change, even memories tend to alter through time. So is there anything in me that will remain unchanged? If I’m never the same person, what defines me then? If I wake up tomorrow and decide to be a different person and act in a completely different way, am I still me?   We usually afraid or don’t like the thoughts that our close friends or loved ones change. Perhaps it is because these are people who share similar interests, values, or activities with us, and we’re afraid that changes will alter this similarity and put a distance to the closeness. Maybe our closest or best friends are just people we’re confident that even if we know we’re going to change, the changes are unlikely to be substantial enough to alter our shared interests or similarities. That may be also why we want to maintain come kind of consistency within ourselves. If my self at present and in the future are different selves, I probably wouldn’t want to change too much as that may create the strangeness among these beings (or in friendship terms, to maintain the close friendship for my present and future selves). The greatest loneliness may come from losing these closest friends of ours.   I guess I’m not making sense anymore, but doesn’t matter, just some weird thoughts that came to me.

  • Stay Strong

    Reading a friend’s blog reminds me of various things in life. Seeing friends pursuing their dreams (writing novel, starting and running business, etc.), learning to deal with life, and facing adversity while still helping and supporting others, I want to be become stronger too.
     
    Today’s resolution: Work hard and stay strong and positive for both myself and my friends.

  • Emotional Cycle

    I just been through another emotional cycles. It’s the usual ups and downs people experience from time to time. At peak, the smallest things in life can be fascinating and wonderful. But near the bottom, everything in life appears to be optional and nothing seems right. I was usually the kind of person who’s pretty immune to this kind of emotional swing. When I feel down, in a bad mood, or can’t concentrate my mind, a nap will usually suffice to get me back to normal to face whatever that’s bothering me. But lately as I try to follow my heart more, it’s much harder to keep my life in balance between doing productive work and indulging in sensory experience. And I often found myself unable to concentrate during work. Perhaps listening to my feeling give me an excuse to avoid hard work or get me to think about all sorts of big life issues that can distract me from work. I’ll have to train and discipline myself more to stay productive and achieve my goals. But living a life too rigid may make me lose out on the artistic and intellectual enrichment in life, experience I definitely wouldn’t want to miss. Since I’m more or less recover from the trough, I’m planning my way forward to a more stable and satisfying period and finding ways to make my feeling and thinking selves compatible without being carried to either extreme. I may not be able to avoid the emotional cycle completely (and probably wouldn’t want to), but would want too make sure the swings wouldn’t affect other important areas in life too much.