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Archive for the ‘Happiness’ Category

Eric Barker has a wonderful post summarising Camus’ thoughts on finding meaning in life. A good reminder to paint our own canvas and live with passion, even when things are tough and life seems meaningless. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to always be kind and forgiving, even to those I love, but it’s a goal worth aiming for.

Excerpts:

Camus isn’t telling you that life is pointless; he’s telling you that life has no given point. The point is what you do, and how honestly you do it. Camus didn’t say there is no meaning; he said there is no meaning unless you live as if there is. You have to earn it. With action. To live so deliberately, so unapologetically in the face of The Absurd that you become your own answer.

Real freedom is choosing, but with no promise of success, no cosmic guarantee. It’s acting as if it matters when you know it might not. And if that makes you uncomfortable, good. That means you’re paying attention. Freedom isn’t liberation from constraints; it’s what happens when you acknowledge, without excuse, that you are the sole author of your actions. Because freedom isn’t an escape from fear. It’s choosing in spite of it. It’s stepping into the uncertainty without needing to know how it ends…

The world may be absurd, but your actions aren’t. That solidarity isn’t a reward for good people; it’s how you become one…

Camus wrote about The Absurd as a challenge. When life refuses to give you meaning, you don’t give up. Camus tells us: the only way to survive the universe’s indifference is to become stubbornly, gloriously alive anyway. He wanted us to pour ourselves into everything: love, art, work, friendship, the whole messy buffet of human existence…

Most of our lives won’t be remembered long after we’re gone. But maybe, if we’re lucky, someone will remember the way we made them laugh until they cried, or the way we kissed them in the kitchen while the pasta boiled over, or the way we cared, stupidly and stubbornly, about something that didn’t matter to anyone but us.

The moments I remember most, the ones that feel lit from within, aren’t the logical ones. They aren’t efficient or strategic. They’re messy. They’re stupid. But they’re passionate. They’re the arguments that ended in laughter, the friendships that started with confessions, the blog posts that somehow arrived at clarity through sheer stubborn intensity. So yes, let’s live with passion. Let’s love like idiots, work like maniacs, and create like children with crayons and no concern for staying inside the lines.

It’s easier, of course, to detach. To call things meaningless and retreat into irony or intellect or whatever shield we’ve built to keep the world at a distance. But nothing grows in that space. To live with passion is to risk being broken. But it’s also the only way to be whole…

A while back, during a particularly grim stretch of what I call “my life”, I thought the lesson was detachment. I thought Camus was saying nothing matters, so don’t get too close. But I was wrong. He wasn’t asking us to step back. He was daring us to step closer. To love anyway. To create anyway.

There’s no epiphany. Just small, stubborn acts. A soft defiance. You love people who might not love you back. To be kind, even when kindness feels futile. To forgive someone who doesn’t say sorry. To write something no one will ever read, or plant something you might not live to see bloom. Because you’re free. The only meaning is the meaning we make.

Accept the responsibility. Enjoy the companionship of friends. Feel the passion in those moments that forge memories. And, if we embrace these things, it’s more than worth it. Life isn’t meaningless; it’s just a blank canvas upon which we paint.

Let’s see the world as it is: messy, indifferent, occasionally beautiful, filled with both disappointments and joys.

The Absurd doesn’t go away. But if you live with passion, you stop needing it to.

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I like routine. I used to think that travel disrupts my routine, since I won’t be able to practice piano, draw, or train as normal. But now I think travel can provide a different type of routine, and it’s not a bad idea for the body to experience something different from time to time.

When I visit London during my annual work trip, I always run in Hyde Park. Similarly, when I visit Tokyo, I stay in a hotel not too far from Yoyogi Park so I can run there in the morning. This kind of infrequent routine has become something I value. Even though I don’t visit Manhattan often, a run in Central Park still brings back familiarity. An annual snowboarding trip to Naeba has also become a family tradition.

There is a trade-off between visiting new places and revisiting familiar cities. When we are young and haven’t seen many places, it makes sense to explore more. But when we are older and have a better sense of our preferences, revisiting places we like becomes more valuable.

I still enjoy exploring new places once in a while, but increasingly I also like to revisit places I like. It seems like as long as we are mindful about it, routine can be established anywhere, and infrequent routines can be as valuable as the regular ones. Be present and every day could be a perfect day.

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Henry Oliver wrote an article comparing two of my favourite authors, Jane Austen and Adam Smith. Both have a deep understanding of human psychology and behaviour. I’ve admired Knightley’s and Darcy’s character and self-command ever since I read Jane Austen’s novels when I was young.

Excerpts:

Smith argued that people want to be praised and to be praiseworthy. That they want to be loved and to be deserving of love. Smith says we must be virtuous to be happy. His virtues are prudence, benevolence and justice. His vices are pride and vanity. “The proud and the vain man . . . are constantly dissatisfied,” he writes. The route to virtue is through “self-command”. Therefore we must achieve “superiority over the most ungovernable passions of human nature”.

Self-command is a question of willpower, education, habit. It comes from being bred in “the bustle and business of the world” when we are exposed to “violence and injustice of faction”. To those who are miserable, Smith advises in The Theory of Moral Sentiments, “do not mourn in the solitude of darkness . . . Live with strangers, with those who know nothing or care nothing about your misfortune.” 

As the economists Bohanon and Vachris write, both Smith and Austen prioritise self-control as a means of achieving balance and self-improvement. By attaining the skill of self-command, Marianne is able to cultivate virtue.

What marks out the capacity to improve, in Smith, is being able to see ourselves as an “impartial observer” would see us…Emma is unable to improve morally until she takes Knightley’s advice. Like Marianne, she must learn to see like those with more self-command. It is when Emma sees things as Knightley does that she is able to reform. “I doubt whether my own sense would have corrected me,” she acknowledges to Knightley.

Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised, or a little mistaken.

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Rooting for a favorite team or player is like riding a roller coaster. When a team I support loses an important game, I might feel down for a whole day. While many people find joy in cheering for their heroes, I find deeper satisfaction in doing things well myself. This comes from a desire for agency. I may feel elated when those I admire succeed or disappointed when they falter, but ultimately, I’m just a spectator. Their outcomes are beyond my control. When I’m the one performing, I can influence the result. If I don’t play well in a basketball game, I can reflect, adjust my training, and improve. Success isn’t guaranteed, but at least I can act.

That said, I appreciate greatness in others and draw inspiration from it. When I see manga or illustrations I love, I pick up my sketchbook, hoping to capture that same magic someday. After hearing a moving melody at a concert, I return to practice, wanting to evoke the same feeling. Watching Slam Dunk or NBA games drives me to the neighborhood court. After binging Blue Box, I made a plan to start learning badminton.

At my age, I’m unlikely to become a professional. But if I enjoy the process, that’s already a win. There’s always room to grow, and each small improvement brings its own joy. Mastering a tough piano passage or seeing my shooting percentage rise after weeks of effort offers a satisfaction no passive observation can match. If I crave competition, I can measure myself against my past self or others in my age group. It’s encouraging to know I can still improve, defying the idea that peak performance belongs only to the young.

There’s nothing wrong with being a dedicated fan. Fans created culture, support artists and athletes, and build community. We need both participants and appreciators. But for me, the deepest fulfillment comes from doing the work myself. True satisfaction rarely comes from watching perfection, but from experiencing growth.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. – Theodore Roosevelt

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Noah Smith has written a good article on making and having friends after age 30. For an introvert like myself, big groups and frequent socializing events are too draining. However, I do enjoy occasional small group gatherings with friends or interesting people. The challenge is consciously planning and seeking out opportunities to make these connections happen, even if only occasionally. Smith also touches on what constitutes close friendships.

There’s no hard-and-fast boundary between close friends and more casual friends; it’s a spectrum. Closeness tends to develop gradually over time, and it feels a little different in each case…

There are basically two things that define a really close friendship: understanding, and interdependence. Your close friend has to understand who you really are, and you also have to know that you can count on them if you need help. If a friendship has only one of those things and not the other, it’s not really a close one. 

Understanding gets built up over time, but it can’t reach a truly deep level without confessions. We all have certain things that we’re reluctant to tell other people about ourselves — not necessarily secrets, but core truths of our lives that we don’t like yelling at everyone we meet at a party. Occasionally these might be facts about your life, but usually they’re just vulnerabilities and desires and fears. 

In order to make a really close friend, you have to tell them at least some of those things, and they have to tell you theirs. You have to have moments when you open yourself to another person and make yourself vulnerable to them. And you also have to have moments where they do this for you. You don’t both have to do it at the same time, but it has to happen on both sides….

The other thing you need for a close friendship is interdependence — you need to know you can rely on your friend, and they need to know they can rely on you. There’s no way to prove this in an absolute sense, of course — you’ll almost certainly never know if your friend would really lay down their life for you, because that sort of situation almost never actually comes up…

And I agree with his conclusion:

So I think you have to work at it. Having friends is one of the most important components of a complete, fulfilled human life. It’s just too important to leave entirely to chance.

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Wouldn’t it be wonderful to experience living different kinds of lives? I’ve often dreamed of being a nomad, a musician, or an artist. But the reality is, when we choose one path, others often close.

Like many people, I chose a relatively safe path: study hard, get a good job, and work my way toward a ‘secure’ life. But is that true security?

I believe real security comes from having the confidence that, even if I were to lose everything, I could start over and still create the life I want to live. Given how long lifespans are nowadays, I should reinvent myself from time to time.

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Detective Conan often says, ‘There’s only one truth.’ But is that true? Can we be certain that our experiences align exactly with those of others? In quantum mechanics, it is noted that observing something can change it. Additionally, if multiverses or multiple simulations exist, might we experience different realities? Tim Hartford summarises ‘The Mandela Effect’ and argues that it’s more likely our memories are flawed than that multiple realities exist.

Whether multiple realities exist or our memories are fallible, perhaps we should learn to take things less seriously and let go of certain issues that might affect our relationships.

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Some of my favourites:

Don’t save up the good stuff (fancy wine, or china) for that rare occasion that will never happen; instead use them whenever you can.

Try to define yourself by what you love and embrace, rather than what you hate and refuse.

You can become the world’s best in something primarily by caring more about it than anyone else.

When you are stuck or overwhelmed, focus on the smallest possible thing that moves your project forward.

In a museum you need to spend at least 10 minutes with an artwork to truly see it. Aim to view 5 pieces at 10 minutes each rather than 100 at 30 seconds each.

You have no obligation to like everyone, and you are free to intensely dislike a person. But you owe everyone—even those you dislike—basic respect.

Discover people whom you love doing “nothing” with, and do nothing with them on a regular basis. The longer you can maintain those relationships, the longer you will live.

Write your own obituary, the one you’d like to have, and then everyday work towards making it true.

The highest form of wealth is deciding you have enough.

A good sign that you are doing the kind of work you should be doing is that you enjoy the tedious parts that other people find tortuous. 

Being envious is a toxin. Instead take joy in the success of others and treat their success as your gain. Celebrating the success of others costs you nothing, and increases the happiness of everyone, including you.

Get good at being corrected without being offended.

Slow progress is still a million times better than no progress. 

Recipe for greatness: expect much of yourself and little of others.

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I thought one of the saddest things in the world is feeling a vast distance despite being physically close to someone (or someone we’d known for years). But perhaps this doesn’t have to be the case:

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.

Rainer Maria Rilke 

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John Stuart Mill’s Autobiography had a strong impact on me when I read it many years ago. The way his father raised him, eventually leading to his mental breakdown, his relationship with Harriet Taylor, and his thoughts on topics like liberty and happiness, all left a deep impression on me.

In this post, Henry Oliver summarises Mill’s thoughts on human flourishing, which emphasize becoming a better person (moral), gaining greater skill (practical), and developing higher levels of taste (aesthetic).

I hope to continue learning, discovering, and building my character.

Excerpts:

The Art of Life means not trying to be happy, but developing yourself. Sometimes, in order to be happier, we must do what we dislike. We need the pain of improvement before we can have the happiness of achievement.

Mill’s art of life, the balancing of the moral, practical, and aesthetic, is about enabling people to raise their aspirations and improve themselves in ways they couldn’t imagine when they began their journey of bildung and discovery.

If we keep a vision of greatness in mind and develop a nobleness of character, we will be best equipped to practice many-sidedness and to discover the world, rather than accept what other people tell us think.

So as you make your resolutions, think about how to cultivate your character practically, aesthetically, and spiritually. Be many sided. Keep educating yourself. Discover the world. Aim at something noble.

I often remind myself of Mill’s quote on happiness:

Those only are happy … who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way.

John Stuart Mill

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