I like and agree with most things in the book. Perhaps this just reinforces my own bias, or perhaps they are clichéd truisms. I like how the book summarises the relevant topics surrounding excellence in easy-to-read chapters. They are constant reminders of how we can continue to become our best selves. Here’s David Epstein’s interview with Brad Stulberg about the book.
Excerpts:
Excellence is less a destination and more an energizing process of growth and becoming–an ongoing path that yields our best performance and, every bit as important, our best selves.
Excellence combines mastery and mattering. Mastery means developing skill and make progress in activities you deem worthwhile…Mattering is a sense that what you are doing has significance, that your contributions and progress are meaningful. Decades of research show mastery and mattering are key to a life well-lived, or what psychologists call life satisfaction.
Real excellence is quiet, confident, consistent, respectful of the craft, and interested in the process of self-discovery.
In the words of Stuart McMillian, a coach to more than thirty-five Olympic medalists in sprinting and other power sports: “Skill is not an act or action, it is an interaction–between a person, their activity, and their environment. Research shows that the best way to learn something is to feel what it’s like to do it incorrectly and correctly.
Excellence is not a destination; it is a process of becoming. The real reward isn’t a bigger deadlift, a faster mile, or a sturdier table; it’s that you become a better version of yourself.
When we throw ourselves into worthwhile projects and pursuits, we engrave or stamp upon ourselves the type of person we are growing into.
We find meaning when our pursuits offer us autonomy, competence, and belonging and when they align with our values.
“The only thing in life that’s really worth having good skill. Good skill is the greatest passion,” Jerry Seinfeld once said in an interview with The New Yorker. “I know a lot of rich people. So do you. They don’t feel good, as you think they should and would. They’re miserable. Because, if they don’t master a skill, life is unfulfilling.”
How do you know when you’ve found the right seeds? You feel a pull to keep showing up. You may not get better every day, but there is a general sense of growth and progress. You may not love every moment, but there is an emerging satisfaction.
“Heartbreak is unpreventable,” explains the poet David Whyte, “the natural outcome of caring for people and things over which we have no control….Heartbreak is an indication of our sincerity: in a love relationship, in a life’s work, in trying to learn a musical instrument, in an attempt to shape a better and more generous self.”
If you want to have a rich and meaningful life then you have to expose yourself. You have to make yourself vulnerable. You have to care. There is no way around it.
You hold your care, ambition, and drive in a container of self-kindness, because if you cannot be kind to yourself when you suffer inevitable heartbreaks and failures, then you would never come back and risk putting it on the line again. You learn to tell yourself, Caring deeply is hard, but we can do hard things.
You come to appreciate that the things you care about are the things that break your heart are the things that give rise to excellence and fill your life with meaning and joy.
Fulfillment, happiness, and satisfaction are not attributes you gain from achieving a goal: they are states that arise in the process of going for one.
There is no greater illusion than thinking the accomplishment of some goal will change your life. What will change your life is who you become in the process of going for it.
The most realistic and effective approach for sustaining excellence involves viewing the work and as ongoing practice, measuring and judging your level of attention and effort, and letting progress be a by-product of that. Focus less on any single result and more on the trend line.
Over time, people who are chronic multitaskers become worse at filtering out irrelevant information and slower at identifying patterns, and they experience a decline in long-term memory.
Focus is like a muscle: Use it or lose it; even if you were once strong, regaining your fitness takes time and effort. But with patience and repetition, it comes back.
When I asked him about his stick-to-itiveness, he told me it comes down to “disconnecting how you feel from what you need to do.”
When asked about his success, Kipchonge says, “Only the disciplined ones in life are free. When you are undisciplined, you are a slave to your moods and passions.” Williams explains, “I honestly believe discipline is freedom.”
Kipchonge and Williams are alluding to what philosophers call positive freedom, or the freedom to express your potential. But in order for that to happen, you need to sacrifice what philosophers call negative freedom, or freedom from constraints.
The more reps we put in, the more faith we gain in our respective endeavours, and in ourselves. It is not blind or delusional faith. It is faith based on a concrete body of evidence, which is a powerful way to think about confidence.
The actual secret to greatness: Pick your thing. Pick a good system for your thing. Surround yourself with people who support you doing your thing. Do your thing for a decade (or more).
Curiosity is intimately linked to growth. There’s a curiosity to figure out what you are capable of. A curiosity to better know your craft. A curiosity to better know yourself. All are part and parcel of excellence.
Excellence is an infinite game: The goal is the path, and the path is the goal. Whether you basketball or cello, repair cars or build tables, write books or coach teams, your craft can be a vessel for self-discovery.
There are many theories on resilience, but it really comes down to a few core components: leaning into community; allowing yourself to feel sadness and loss while working to maintain hope at the same time; being kind to yourself, patient, and persistent; establishing small routines that support your mental health; and committing to showing up and returning to the work as you trudge through the mess. Remember, the things you care about break your heart. But you’ve got to trust the love of the pursuit is big enough to hold the hurt of failure.
Psychologists distinguish between two types of passion: harmonious and obsessive. With harmonious passion, you are absorbed in an activity because you love how the activity makes you feel. A harmoniously passionate artist creates because she finds joy in the craft. With obsessive passion, you get hooked on an activity because of external rewards and recognition. An obsessively passionate artist creates because she wants to boast about prestigious gallery shows and other accolades.
Joy prevents burnout, promotes longevity, and offers a wellspring of resilience.
The one I’ve come to adopt is that we are all Sisyphus. We are all pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it fall down–again and again and again. Each of us plays our own eighty-two-game seasons. Excellence is about finding fulfilment in the struggle. It’s about exerting ourselves with a smile on our face more often than a frown. It’s about expressing our unique talents and gifts and creating joy, community, and meaning in the process.
We must protect time and space to step outside the day-to-day grind for reflection…Experience plus reflection equals growth.
Excellence is not perfection or winning at all costs. It is a process of becoming the best performer–and person–you can be. When you pursue goals that challenge you, put forth an honest effort, and endure highs, lows, and everything in between, you gain self-respect that nobody can take away.
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