A close relative just passed away. She’s a half sister of mine and helped me a lot every time I go back to Bangkok. I like her, but why is it that I don’t seem to feel sad when I hear the news? I feel sorry for her young children and close relatives. And given a choice, I wouldn’t want the event to happen. But is that all I should be feeling?
Maybe I’m a cold-hearted person, not being able to feel much for others. Or maybe I don’t see life as important as I used to. I used to be afraid of dying as it makes all the things I’ve strive for, experiences I’ve had, and memories I’ve treasured worthless. But now I see life and death as a much more random and superfluous thing. A terror attack might just happen tomorrow and changes everything in my life.
How will I feel if everyone I value disappears? Will I just go on living and adapt to the new situation? Or will I feel differently from what I feel now? It’s scary to contemplate the thought that everything we think is important in life might not really be that important to us, that everything is just an illusion we created to help us go through life more easily.
Don’t know why I’d want to post this entry online as it might scare some new friends away or get some old friends worried. But at least I can use my cold as an excuse this time. Since I can’t concentrate on any serious study now, why not come up with some weird thoughts.
Ryu's Blog 
kun lung, I am sorry to hear about your relative. However, I dont think that you are a cold-hearted person but you probably think it is something you cant help. People were born, and finally died. It is just a rule of nature that nobody can avoid. I cried so much when my host dad passed away but finally, I can smile and understand about life more. Next time, I will probably be like you.
Where are you now? Are you in Thailand?
Hello Wicha!
I\’m sorry to hear that your relative passed away.
Anyways, I haven\’t visit your blog for a long time, and just came here today. Good to hear about your recent life.
By the way, I\’ll be visiting Bangkok during Chinese New Year 2007, from 2/19 to 2/24. Just wanna know if you\’ll be there at that time.
I\’m assuming you\’ve recovered from the cold. Take good care of yourself! ^___^ –Mandy
job-hunting gambatte!! Hope u can get a job u like na! I will be going to Europe next year. Hopefully, we can meet up na!
I am still a graduate student but I am also doing a job-hunting right now. gambarou!!
I share similar feelings…not that we\’re cold…but through time and experiences…we\’ve trained to suppress our emotional feelings…in order to not be vulnerable…in order to keep your mind sane enough to go through the already overwhelming day by day challenges…not necessarily good or bad…but that\’s what survivors force themselves to do…
Hope your cold has already recovered. Try Zinc~
It\’s really all based on perception. If a person must follow other ppls\’ opinion in order to feel, then that\’s the sadest thing.
don\’t know, maybe i\’m also a cold-hearted person, but everyone will die some day, so i never feel worry, just hope everyday i alive will be a day i won\’t feel regard