Although I was not as nervous as I was during my first duet performance with Sky last year, my performance was far from ideal. Despite all the breathing exercises I tried, my heart was still beating faster than normal. I felt rushed during the performance, couldn’t fully focus on the sound, and made more mistakes than usual. The piano was unfamiliar, so I overpedalled on a Baroque piece. If my perfect condition playing at home is a 10, this would probably be a 6 or 7.
How nice it would be, if I could feel time slows down during the performance, allowing me to just listen to the sound and enjoy the music, rather than being carried away by nervousness and fear of making mistakes.
Do you see me all alone in a world I call my own? Even though I try to be so ordinary I feel different so I hide, I wish I could be alright Behind eyes that see the world Always from the outside
But life is never what it seems I find the message in my dreams It’s like a faded memory whispering secrets just for me
So I cry in the night For something I found in my heart There’s a star in the sky guiding me home in the dark If you call out my name, I know I’ll see you again I’ll remember I am not alone
When I stare into the sky and my feelings pass me by I will sing a little tune From when we danced under the moon Even though I’m on my own, I will know I’m not alone You have taught my heart to grow Now my love will carry on
But life is never what it seems I find the message in my dreams It’s like a faded memory whispering secrets just for me
So I cry in the night For something I found in my heart There’s a star in the sky guiding me home in the dark If you call out my name, I know I’ll see you again I’ll remember I am not alone
Robert Schumann composed Kinderszenen in February and March 1838, during a separation from his fiancée Clara Wieck. He writes to her: “Perhaps an echo of your words when you wrote me, ‘I sometimes seemed to you like a child.’ In short, it was as if I were clothed in wings when I wrote the thirty droll little things, of which I selected about twelve and named them ‘Kinderszenen’ … they make quite an impression when I perform them, particularly on me.” Clara was also impressed: “It’s true, isn’t it, that they belong only to the two of us? I simply can’t put them out of my mind, they are so simple, so heart-warming, so very much you”
I recently took the ABRSM Grade 5 performance exam to assess my skills and see if I would like to pursue it at higher levels in the future. The results weren’t as good as I hoped, but somehow I don’t feel discouraged.
A bit of background: I began learning piano three and a half years ago when my kids started taking lessons. I didn’t have formal musical training prior to that, aside from playing the guitar and saxophone in high school and university, which I mostly learned through books and friends.
During the past few years, I had followed the ABRSM syllabus from Grades 1 to 4 on my own without taking exams, while also explored other pieces I enjoy, from classical to movie themes as well as music from anime and games.
Since I don’t need a piano qualification—it’s just a hobby—the exam mainly helped assess my skills from the perspective of more experienced pianists and provided motivation to perform pieces to a higher standard.
But the downside is the significant time and repetition required to perfect the pieces. Preparing for the exam also limited my time to learn new pieces or pursue other musical interests, such as singing while playing or performing duets with my child.
So is it worth doing the exam? I’m not sure and keeping my option open. I don’t plan to take more exams until I reach the Grade 8 level. By then, if my boy is still learning piano (my elder one is also taking Grade 5 exam this year), perhaps that would provide an additional motivation for me to take another exam with them.
“Your name is Castti Florenz, and you are an apothecary. Your tale begins in a port town of the Harborlands.Discovered adrift at sea, you awoke to the realization that you could not recall your own name. The only clues to your identity are your satchel and skills as an apothecary.Unable to ignore the nagging feeling within you, you embark on a journey to recover what you lost…“I need to rediscover who I am. And…there’s something else. Something important I’m forgetting…””
Travel Banter: Truth and Deceit
Ochette: Blech…This hunt is the worst…Why would you use people as bait to lure in other people? I’d use something tastier.
Castti: Ochette…
Ochette: Sometimes humans say they’ll do one thing, then do another, right?
Castti: Yes. People lie for all sorts of reasons.
Ochette: Yeah, but if everyone says things they don’t mean…How do you know if what you’re hearing is true or not? It must be so tiring thinking about it all the time…
Castti: Hmm…You make a good point. Still, sometimes the truth only causes pain. That’s why we tell small fibs. To slowly feel each other out, and learn how to interact without causing mutual pain. Strange as it may sound, in a sense, deceit is the basis of human relationships.
Ochette: H-humans are complicated…
Castti: Hehe. Sometimes falsehoods can be kindness. Ochette
Travel Banter: What Amnesia Feels like
Partitio: Howdy, Castti. Is it just me, or are you lookin’ worn out?
Castti: I appreciate the concern, Partitio. Physically, I’m healthy and whole. My memory on the other hand…
Partitio: Don’t push yourself too hard, you hear? Losing memories…I can’t image how hard that much be for you.
Castti: I…can’t say. There’s still so much I don’t understand. It’s like…there’s something right in front of me but I can only see its shadow. Isn’t it odd to be so distressed by something that doesn’t exist?
Partitio: Maybe. If it doesn’t exist, you wouldn’t even know to let it bother you.
Castti: But with amnesia, that very void is what absorbs all my thoughts. It’s like there’s a huge hole in me. I feel an inexplicable sense of loss.
Partitio: Hmmm…I’m havin’ trouble picturing’ what that’s like. Wait a sec…Come to think of it, I don’t remember what I did last night, either!
Castti: Really? My memories there, at least are fresh and clear. After you downed three full glasses of wine, you and I got up to all sorts of naughty hijinks.
Partitio: Huh!? We did? It’s all a blank to me.
Castti: That wasn’t enough for you, Mr. Wild Stallion. Next, we did that, and that, and…
Partitio: Whoa there! Just what happened last night!? I’m dyin’ to know.
Castti: Amanda that’s what it feels like to lose your memory.
Rick Beato did an excellent interview with Keith Jarrett, providing nice background on Keith and jazz. Keith’s reactions to listening to his old piano performances are amazing to witness.
I came across Keith Jarrett’s albums when I was in university and have been a fan since. Tim Harford talked about how he turned an unplayable piano into one of the best live performances in Koln.
Keith: Once I was working on some piece and I said, I don’t think I can play this. It’s too hard.
My two boys and I started learning the piano at around the same time two years ago.
We came up with a friendly competition, that whoever passes the ABRSM level 8 first would be entitled to a Grand Piano for the family. Qualifications don’t matter to me at this point, but it’s nice to have a little shared goal.
One day I noticed that the boys have good ears and can remember lots of soundtrack music from the video games we played. After some research and testing, I found out that they both have perfect/absolute pitch (i.e. can identify the notes/chords played on a piano without reference note).
Suddenly my little rivals seem to have levelled up with a special talent (along with the other advantages kids have), while I can only practice harder and smarter, and hope that I won’t be left in the dust.
I added some of their recordings to my channel to document our journey together (the recordings they like and want to post).
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