I’ve been keeping this blog on and off for over 20 years, and I recently revisited some of the posts I wrote in my 20s. I was more idealistic then, with more questions, more self-doubt, and less self-censorship, along with more grammar mistakes. I wanted to be seen as a sophisticated thinker, and perhaps because of my immaturity, I was less concerned about looking stupid. I wrote corny poems and other posts that make me cringe now. I also interacted more with my readers, even though only a few close friends ever read or commented on the blog. I guess some part of me has always wanted a community of like-minded people.
Looking back, that straightforwardness has its own charm. It feels a little like looking into a child’s unfiltered mind. I like documenting life as a way of preserving memories, because most things are transient, and recording them gives me a stronger sense of existence. Even though I often felt down, unsatisfied, and uncertain about myself and what I wanted to do with my life, I’m glad I captured those thoughts, along with my time studying in the UK and the early years of my working life. I only wish I had started keeping a regular journal earlier, in high school and university.
I blogged for about two years in my 30s. That was the period when I got married and had my first child. Life felt steadier then, with fewer emotional ups and downs, and I focused more on conventional things like parenting and other adult responsibilities. My posts during that time tended to include longer excerpts from what I was reading, along with some on economics. One consistent theme, however, was that I remained eager to learn and improve myself.
I’m glad I kept writing. Life passes quickly, and memory is unreliable. By putting things into words, we give shape to experiences that would otherwise fade. Even if earlier versions of ourselves now seem naive, awkward, or unfinished, they were real. In my 20s, this blog was a place for questions, self-expression, and uncertainty. In my 30s, it became quieter and steadier, shaped more by responsibility and routine. The tone changed, but the impulse remained the same: a desire to learn, to make sense of life, and to preserve something that would otherwise be lost.
Below are some posts from my 20s:
Daydreaming, Fantasizing, Finding Neverland: Why Not?
Things I missed from Beppu (in no particular order)
And some posts from my 30s:
Ryu's Blog 